devolute.net » Cinema

Undercity by Andrew Wonder

Ian — Tue, 24 May 2011 22:09:22 +0000

The 1st to watch out for is not hitting the third rail [..] the next thing you have to watch out for is not being hit by trains and the third thing you have to watch out for is not being seen.

Wombles ain’t got nufin’ on these guys.

Schwarzenegger presents ‘Abadah’ at the Golden Globes

Ian — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:33:45 +0000

Everyone is talking about Gervais’ speech, but in the UK we’ve all seen his snively character do the same routine million times. Yawn. So here, for your entertainment, is the ever awesome Arnie talking about a film that he can’t pronounce. Rather cruel of whoever is in charge to get him to talk about Avatar, but it’s a routine that I will never tire of.

via Gotcha Media

Gentlemen Bronchos trailer

Ian — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:11:13 +0000

This is the new trailer from the people who made Napoleon Dynamite. I have a great affinity with Napoleon Dynamite because I went to school with the main character. Well, I may as well have done. This new film features a home-schooled kid whose writing is ripped off by a desperate fantasy author and, for me, the film could be made for the inclusion of the wonderfully spoken Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. Consider this the ‘geeks ascend to greatness’ film of the year.

via The Uniblog

Transformers 2 – what I learnt

Ian — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:46:17 +0000

Roger Ebert of the Chigago Sun-Times has written the definative review of Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m just going to share some stuff that I picked up when I watched it this week. This may not make any sense if you’ve not seen the film (and even then…).

Turns out Obama wasn’t a very good choice for prez. Shit kicks off and he goes to hide in some bunker somewhere. Not like Bush did in 9/11. Conspiracy theorists would have you believe that once the twin towers got hit, he paniced and flew all over the US in Air Force One. This isn’t the case. He headed for new York and stood upon the rubble, Stinger ground-to-air missle launcher over one shoulder and a knuckle duster on his right hand; screaming “Bring it, Bin Laden you pussy”. Fictional/real Obama really dropped the ball on this one.
Where was Sally Field? Shia LaBeoufs (yes that is a real name) mum was an incredibly annoying character but she reminded me of Sally Fields. If Sally Fields had played her I would have probably found her slightly less annoying. Why not just use Sally Field, Bay, you cheap bastard?
The American Military is fucking awesome. Not only do they have a shit load of kit that can take down marourding 6-story high robots, but each and every man and woman in uniform is pretty damn good looking. Like, beautiful. I wish they’d liberate Sheffield just so I could be around them. This could of been because this film was half Dept. of Defence recruitment video. The other half was a toy advert.
What’s the deal with Megan Fox’s lips? CG?
In this picture, the flower represents this blog post.
The American motor trade make some pretty crappy looking vehicles. I’d heard stories, y’know about how the motor trade in the US is failing? Occassionally we get a Crystler sold over her in the UK that makes it onto the streets but if you just look away it’s okay and it’s clear why the industry is in such trouble. But this film really helped clarify the whole situation. The French make panel vans with more character than trendiest modern GMC models.
Based on evidence in this film; black people have really bad teeth. Even robots who are portrayed by black people (or vis-versa… I’m not sure what the deal is) have bad teeth. Robots with bad teeth. Seriously. Just the ‘black’ ones. All over this film. Wierd (and they don’t read so gud, huh huh).
Arabs on the other hand: I learnt nothing new about them. They’re the same as they are in all American films, “Hey mister! I like Ice-T too!“
If you’re a 26 year old man, you shouldn’t go and watch a film aimed at teenage boys. Particularly one made by a racist, mysoginistic, flag-waving retard.

Sex and the City. Seriously.

Ian — Thu, 29 May 2008 17:19:28 +0000

6music talked about this sure-fire hit film for what seemed like an hour this afternoon, so I’ve got to say something about this. I won’t be going to see it, because I’m not a woman and as such will not understand the imporant bonds between close female friends / what it’s like to whore yourself round a major urban conurbation (delete as applicable). Still, to get into the spirit of things I will fully endorse this site. Oh Jessica, you’re like a slightly more weathered version of British telly favourite, Billy Piper. Althought thinking about it, it’s less about the teeth and more about the elongated face. In fact that gives me an idea for a website that also has 50% dedicated to the best of all the animals.

visit sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com

Mastodon Linoleum Knife

Ian — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:23:53 +0000

Bored of those “Turn your mobile off, popcorn is available in the foyer…” animations that you get before films? This is the perfect substitute:

From the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, which is going to completely rock if #1: it ever makes it to these shores (doubtful) and #2: you’re perfectly willing to embrace it’s utter black-hole like density of arrogance and idiocy (personally, I’m more than happy to do this).

Slacker

Ian — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:21:00 +0000

It’s been low-blog count limbo round here for a while. I’ve been over-rung with websites to maul at work so I’ve been somewhat terrified to even look at a TinyMCE text entry box. What else have I done? Well, I’ve been all the way to Westminster in London Village to try and help raise some more funds for soon to be internet-sensation Catch21 Productions. Well, we hope. We’re certainly going to try. I reckon we could do some pretty exciting stuff with it anyway. More on that, hopefully much more, later in the year.

I’ve also been to a wedding, a stag do, paintballing (ouch), go-karting (crunch) and to see some downright awesome bands like 65daysofstatic (for the 4th time!) and A Silver Mt. Zion (for the second time, but this time wasn’t half as good – slackers). I went to watch ‘28 Weeks Later‘ which was disappointing, but not surprisingly so. I just loved the prequel far too much and naturally the usual disappointment in a sequel followed. I also watched the start of Big Brother UK Series 384, but I’m too ashamed to talk about that…

BBQ this weekend down ‘sarf. Maybe next week I’ll reveal some shiny new website designs I’ve been working on. Oh larks oh lawdy! Hurrah!

baa baa Black Sheep

Ian — Sat, 05 May 2007 17:05:55 +0000

A sheep-based horror film. Watch the trailer. How can this not be awesome? Here’s hoping for a UK release or, even better, a Welsh remake.

View the trailer here.